Ern's Monthly Visual Victuals

*映画のネタは日本語書き込みません

Starting this year, I've decided to treat the movies I watch as I do with the books I read. By writing a monthly post for them as well. And if you have any titles to recommend, feel free to leave me a comment.

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN (2008) - Now this is the kind of movie Adam Sandler should stick to making. It's absurd, demented, unbelievable, sick, but just so fun to watch. Zohan is an Israeli agent who's tired of all the fighting and misery between his country and Palestinians. All he wants to do is cut hair!! (Did I mention this was really silly?). Anyway, he manages to fake his death and emigrate to America to work for Paul Mitchel (which doesn't happen). Instead, he takes a job working for a Palestinian woman. With the current crisis between Israel and Palestine, the leaders of Israel and HAMAS should be forced to watch this together!!

IN THE SHADOW OF THE PAGODAS - THE OTHER BURMA (2008) - Swiss documentary filmmaker Irene Marty takes us on a journey to show the world what the current military junta is trying to hide. With the world focused on the events in Israel and the Gaza strip, the slow extermination, torture, forced labor of Burma's minority is being forgotten. The military junta has been trying to put on a positive face and encourage tourism, yet they continue to oppress the Karens, the Shans, and a host of other minorities who are not Burmese, or rather, who are not in line with the Burmese in power. When I watch films like this, I keep wondering to myself - what exactly is the purpose of the United Nations if they can't put an end to repressive governments like this or North Korea. And what kind of logic is it to just observe? Can we say Rwanda? Kosovo? East Timor? Cambodia? And more deaths continue in the Darfur region of the Sudan. So much for the "never again" line that's been repeated after the Holocaust.

FASCINATING NATURE (1996) – It’s “Earth” without the narration. Beautiful views of places everybody dreams of going all on one DVD. The island of Bora Bora in French Polynesia, Victoria Falls, Niagara Falls, the Grand Canyon, the Great Barrier Reef, the Namib desert in Namibia, Table Mountain and Angel Falls in Venezuela. All with soothing background music.

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (2007) - The Academy Award film adapted by the Coen Brothers from a Cormac McCarthy novel. You know, I read the original book and found it the story to be nothing more than violence for violence sakes. The book sucked big time - what was the author of "All the Pretty Horses" thinking? So you're probably asking me if I hated the book so much, why in the world would I even rent it? That's simple - the Coen Brothers. Beautiful cinematography. Excellent acting by Tommy Lee Jones and the villainous hitman played by Javier Bardem. But its not their fault that the original material sucks so bad! Oh, summary of the story. Llewellyn Moss was out hunting and comes across scene that looks like something out of Bonnie and Clyde. He also finds a case with two million dollars which he decides to take for himself. But a hired hitman is on his trail and will stop at nothing to get the money back.

魍魎の匣 - International English Title [THE SHADOW SPIRIT] (2007) - A creepy little suspense thriller in the vain of "The Inugamis" and "Kindai Ichi". Set in 1950s Japan, a series of killings in which the m.o. is hacking his victims to pieces and placing them in a box has the entire police force and town on edge. When a journalist researching the story finds a drawer full of amputated arms in his own office, he enlists the help of his friends, a monk and a psychic to help him solve the crime. But the crime isn't only about mutilated women, it's also about an old army researcher who has been experimenting on humans which is tied in with the serial killer. Very weird!

HITMAN (2007) - After being really annoyed with what I thought was going to be a great action film that turned out to be a worthless piece of crap, by Guy Richie, no less - yes, I am referring to the Jason Statham starring movie of "Revolver". On the shelf right next to "Revolver" was this particular movie. The cover looked promising so I took a chance. Excellent choice! I was not aware that this film is based on a video game of the same name, and it doesn't feature any big name Hollywood stars. Our protagonist who only goes by the name Number 47 was trained as an assassin since childhood. He's hired to kill the President of Russia (which he does). But the following day, the supposedly killed President shows up on television saying he was only slightly wounded. No.47 realizes he's been set up as he never misses a target. And so starts an exciting story of finding out who hired him to kill the president, and who is posing as the president. Of course I would only recommend this to fans of action movies though.

VITUS (2006) - I loved this refreshing German film about a 12 year old boy-genius, who can play one mean piano. Unfortunately, his mother tries to do what's best for Vitus (usually against Vitus' wishes), but Vitus finds himself enrolled in a high school class and just does not fit in - as he's also smarter than the teachers. But one day he has an accident and it seems his gift is lost forever (or so he made everyone believe, except for his grandfather). So, as everyone thinks he's no longer a genius, he helps his grandfather make a lot of money (in stocks and bonds), sets up a company and rents a building so he can play music without anybody making any demands upon him. Excellent film. Much better than "August Rush" but I will get to that film later.

CONSPIRACY (2008) - Oh my, how the mighty have fallen. This stars a bleak and overweight Val Kilmer it what's no more than a remake of "Walking Tall". Can we remember a time when he was at the top of his game - "Batman Forever", "Real Genius", as "Iceman" in "Top Gun", "Willow" (okay, I liked that film though), "Billy the Kid", etc. Kilmer is a veteran of the Gulf War but no longer considers himself a military man after some of the things he's seen and experienced. When his Mexican buddy calls him for help, Kilmer heads out to a small town in Arizona but doesn't find his friend. It seems the local developer who virtually owns the town and the people living in it wants Kilmer to go away. Of course he won't. It was okay but you're better off renting "Rambo", "Die Hard" or the previously mentioned "Walking Tall". Or better yet, Clint Eastwood's "High Plains Drifter".

THE SCENT OF GREEN PAPAYA (1993) - I remember when this was released in the theaters in Seattle. It was one of the first films to be made after Vietnam opened it's borders to the world at large. I had debated about renting this for quite some time and as we bought a new television, I thought it would be a good time to check it out. I have only one word to describe this Vietnam/French production - BORING! The movie is set in 1950's Saigon. This is before the nation was torn to pieces by war. Ten year old Mui is sent to a wealthy merchant's house as the new servant. She works hard and never complains. Shoot some years into the future. The merchant is nearly broke and can no longer afford to keep Mui. The adult Mui now becomes the servant of a bachelor who is a well known pianist. Although piano man has a fiancee, he slowly falls for Mui. They marry and he teaches Mui to read. The end! Cinematography is great and all that but it's one heck of a long boring movie. Did I mention how boring it was? BORING! BORING! BORING!

AUGUST RUSH (2006) - Not as good as the aforementioned "Vitus" but still pleasant in its own right. Where as Vitus played the piano, Evan Taylor (a.k.a.August Rush) is a musical prodigy who can play one mean guitar. Okay, there's really two stories going on at the same time. Evan the orphan who doesn't believe he was abandoned and is certain that his parents are looking for him, decide to in search of his parents himself by following the music. Where does this music come from? Mother is a classical cellist and father is vocalist/guitar player for a well known rock band. They met one night, fell in love, and next thing you know, Mom is preggers. But Daddy forbids her to see new guy. She gets mad and storms out of restaurant and gets hit by a car. Daddy says the baby is lost. Fast forward eleven years into the future. Daddy is on his deathbed, tells daughter the truth about her baby - was not dead, was given up for adoption. She storms out again and goes in search of son. While Dad who's also given up music, by coincidence meets up with August and they jam. (Of course he doesn't know that August is his son). He gets inspired to play music again, and also to search for the love of his life - the famous cellist. Are you all still with me? You can see where this is headed. In fact, the Japanese title of this film translates to "The Miracle Symphony". Uh huh. It's still a pleasant movie except for the miss casting of Robin Williams as a veteran street musician who takes in all sorts of kids at some condemned building (a la Oliver Twist). But ignore that and you got a pretty decent film - even if the outcome is predictable.

釣りバカ日誌 18 ハマちゃんスーさん瀬戸の約束 「Tsuribaka Nishi 18 Hama-chan, Soo-san, Seto no Yakusoku」 International English Title: [FREE AND EASY 18] (2007) - The 18th film in the "Free and Easy" series. If you've lived in Japan or are a fan of Japanese movies, then you would be familiar with this series about a fishing-loving salaryman and his relationship with his company's president. It doesn't matter which one you watch, you always come away with a good feeling. I always seem to find myself watching this series whenever its aired on television. The thought of renting it never occurred to me, so I know I've watched them out of sequence. The first film really stands out though as I can remember when Hama-chan first meets Soo-san (and doesn't know that Soo-san is the president of the company he works for). What's even more amazing about this series is that the two main characters - Hama-chan and Soo-san are portrayed by the same actors in all the films! I can't imagine "Rocky" or "Rambo" going on to Part 18, can you?

NARCO (2004) - Here we have a slightly twisted French film about a guy who suffers from Narcolepsy (also known as Sleeping Sickness if you've never heard of it). The film starts off with his childhood, his teens, and finally into his adulthood. Although there is no cure, he gets married and things are good for a while. But because of his narcolepsy, he cannot keep a job - as he keeps falling asleep. And his dreamworld becomes more vivid than the real world. He finally has an epiphany! A job where his sickness won't matter. A comic artist! His wife thinks that's a joke and tells him so. She convinces him to go to some group therapy. At first, he does not participate. But then he talks about his dreams and how he makes comics of them. Well, the good ole Doc checks out his illustrations and has an idea! Somewhere along the road, artist guy gets hit by a car and falls into a coma. Meanwhile, his wife and best friend, Lenny, who lives his life in honor of Jean-Claude Van Damme (I can't make this stuff up you know) and the Doc sell dude's art to a slimy publisher who's dream is to be a big selling comedian (I kid you not!). After some months, dude wakes up. He says to his wife and friend - he doesn't think he was in an accident. That someone seems to be out to get him. Oh, and Van Damme does make a cameo appearance although he's not credited on the film (and he's speaking his native French for once).

EL LABERINTO DEL FAUNO International English Title: [PAN'S LABYRINTH] (2006) - After watching French film, I changed countries and rented a Spanish film. This is a little dark fantasy about a girl, Ophelia, who comes with her mother to live with her new Step-father, a sadistic army officer in Spain's Fascist Franco era. That background may seem bleak, but Ophelia meets a fairy who leads her to an old ruin where she meets the faun Pan. Pan tells her that she was a princess who left her kingdom and in order for her to go back, she makes pass three difficult tasks set before her. This film also runs two storylines at the same time - Ophelia and her adventures along with the Rebels who are fighting against the government troops. It does help to know that the government troops in this flick are the bad guys! Damn Fascists!

PENELOPE (2006) - Another fantasy, but cute and heartwarming, and starring an almost beautiful Christina Ricci. Why almost? Because her family was cursed and the first daughter of the family would be born with the face of a pig! Yep, Christina is born with a little piggy-snout. Her mother believes that if someone of their kind were to marry her as she is (one of their kind being a blue-blood), Penelope would be freed from the curse. She's been hidden away from the public for twenty-five years but is now wanting her freedom (which her mother can't imagine - not with that snout!). Mother sets up a marriage proposal for likely prospects, but the minute they see her face, they all run for their lives. One sneaky journalist hires a down on his luck blue blood to get a picture of the Pig-Girl. But he sees her, is surprised, but Penelope mistakenly thinks that he can't stand the sight of her and rushes off on her own. But then she takes things into her own hand - as she tired of being hidden away in the depths of her parents house, and escapes, much to the dismay of her Mother - and a lot of hilariousness ensues!

XIN JING CHA GU SHI – International English Title: [NEW POLICE STORY] (2004) – This was the latest in Jackie Chan’s “Police Story” series and it was aired on television. Of course I had to watch it again. I remember going to a small theater in Yurakucho with Mikako to see this movie before we were married. You can’t go wrong with Jackie Chan movies (not counting the old Hollywood film of “The Protector” or “The Cannonball Run” movies.

EL ESPINAZO DEL DIABLO – International English Title: [THE DEVIL’S BACKBONE] (2001) – After watching “Pan’s Labyrinth”, a friend of mine recommended this film by the same director. A young boy is left at an orphanage (once again during Spain’s civil war) where some strange things are happening, like seeing a dead boy wandering around. The rumor is the boy died when bombs were dropped from the air and one landed in the orphanages courtyard but did not explode. But the truth of the matter becomes more apparent – the boy was killed by the handyman who still works there.

THE GAME PLAN (2007) – Here’s a movie with a plot you haven’t heard of. Big football star (The Rock) is at the top of his game who one day finds that he has a daughter who has shown up at his doorstep unexpectedly! It’s a Disney flick so you can expect a happy ending, and the little girl is really, really cute.

すし王子！ニューヨークへ行く- International English Title [THE SUSHI KING GOES TO NEW YORK] (2008) – The actual translation should be “The Sushi Prince Goes to New York” but I won’t be picky. This stars Johnny’s Entertainment idol Koichi Domoto, along with Yumiko Shaku. It’s one very silly movie. I loved it. Domoto, the Sushi Prince, goes to New York to become a disciple of a Master Sushi Chef. But in New York, a corporate sushi chain is changing the face of sushi as we know it. Only for people with a demented sense of humor.

THE WELL (1997) – Independent Australia film that is, to put it mildly, rather boring. Young woman works for older woman out in the country. Driving home late one night, she hits something. Turns out to be human. Young woman freaks out. Older woman who has taken younger in and has become her friend, dumps body into an unused well. Older woman has also come into a lot of money by selling her land and realizes that it’s been stolen. Next day, young woman tells older woman, the guy down the well isn’t dead. She’s been sending him food and water. Older woman knows man down the well is dead and believes younger woman is going crazy. The cinematography is hard on the eyes as well. It’s filmed in a dark, bluish tint. You might want to avoid this if you don’t want it leaving a bad taste in your mouth.

ODETTE TOULEMONDE (2006) – A cute little French movie about a widowed mother of two who finds happiness in reading her favorite author’s novels. But said author is on the verge of killing himself. He has found that his wife is having an affair, a book critic has panned his latest release, and the sales of his books have been falling. He finds a bit of hope when he receives a letter from a big fan of his books, one Odette Toulemonde! It’s this characters relationship with her son I found most amusing. This title is sure to put a smile on your face.

THE WATER HORSE (2007) – A cute movie on the legend of the Lochness Monster. Young boy in 1944 Scotland finds an egg near the loch and takes it home. The critter is so cute when it’s little. But you shouldn’t confuse this flick with something like “Eragon” and talking dragons. Perhaps it could be called “A Boy and His Sea Serpent”. I rather enjoyed it.

明日への遺言 – International English Title [BEST WISHES FOR TOMORROW] (2008) – An intense courtroom drama about the trial of 20 Class B war criminals in post-war Japan. They were accused of executing 37 American airmen against the rules of the Geneva Convention. However watching this movie, and thinking about it from the Japanese point of view, it really was the American bombers who committed the war crimes by indiscriminate bombing that resulted in the deaths of thousands of women and children. What really makes this drama intense is the way the squad leader takes entire responsibility for his actions in order to save his subordinates from a death sentence. Americans should be required to watch this as well. It just leads to one conclusion – war is bad!

THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES (2008) – Another fantasy based on a children’s series, a la “Chronicles of Narnia”, “The Golden Compass”, “Lemony Snicket and the Series of Unfortunate Events”, “Harry Potter”, and need I go on? The original books consist of five volumes (but they are rather short books compared to Harry Potter) and so the movie adaption covers the entire series in a two hour movie. Jared, Simon, and Mallory have moved into their uncle’s old and decrepit house in the country. However, Jared is one unhappy camper. It isn’t until Jared finds an old dumb-waiter that takes him to a hidden room where he finds his great uncle’s book, “Arthur Spiderwick’s Field Guide to the World of the Fantastic”. When Jared opens the book, the world of faeries, ogres, sprites, and griffins comes to life. It also puts him and his family in danger as the ogre, Mulgarath wants the book for himself. Excellent adaptation.

I hope you enjoyed my reviews. I've just borrowed the entire "Lord of the Rings" special extended DVD from a friend which I'm looking forward to watching. I've also rented another three DVDs as well. A Van Damme flick, a silly comedy, and a Richard Gere movie. But you will have to wait for next month to see what I think about them. So, go out, rent a few films yourself, and have a bowl of popcorn!