ALL NEW VISUAL VICTUALS (Volume 3)

*申し訳ございませんが、本と映画に関するポストは日本語書き込みません。

Sorry, no Japanese translations for my movie and book reviews. But I watched quite a few films so I thought it was time for another "Visual Victuals" essay. Mikako and I haven't been to the theaters since watching the "Earth" documentary. But I must admit, I've been watching some really bad movies!! But no worries, it's not like I'm spending money on rentals - most of the flicks I've been watching were promotional copies. Okay, so I'm cheap. At least I have fun watching them. In fact, I'm watching a really bad movie right now from 1987. It's "The Pick-Up Artist" with Molly Ringwald and Robert Downey, Jr. So what have I watched? Just read on and be entertained:



1. CAKE (2005) - Standard, predictable rom-com starring Heather Graham. Free spirit travel writer Pippa wants to help her father's failing magazine which happens to be a bridal mag, but her first issue which thinks is innovative and on the edge turns out to be a total disaster. For one thing, she doesn't believe in marriages, weddings, or wedding magazines. But she slowly finds herself falling in love. Sorry, it's a chick-flick all the way. Kind of cute though.



2. THE OH IN OHIO (2006) - This was funnier than "Cake", a little more risque too. Just so I've informed you all, the "Oh" in the title refers to an orgasm!! A woman who has been married for ten years has never had an orgasm. Her husband thinks he's a failure which leads him to having an affair while the wife discovers the joys of a vibrator, which she then becomes addicted to. By the way, Danny DeVito actually gets the girl!!



3. 無認可保育園 歌舞伎町 ひよこ組 (2007) - Yep, long title. This is what the Japanese characters say: [MUKYOUKA HOIKUEN: KABUKICHO HIYOKO GUMI] which then translates to something like [UNLICENSED DAY-CARE IN KABUKICHO: HIYOKO-GUMI] -
Do you all remember Arnold Scwharzeneggar's "Kindergarten Cop"? Well, this is kind of Japanese version on the same theme, but it's a Yakuza boss that becomes the primary care-taker for a group of kids whose parents cannot afford any other day care. Silly but cute.



4. NO RESERVATIONS (2007) - Uh-oh, it's another chick-flick, this time starring Catherine Zeta Jones (and not her butt!!). Jones plays the head chef of an upscale restaurant. When her sister and niece our on their way to visit, they have an accident. The sister dies and her will states that Jones is to be her daughter's legal guardian. Jones has to deal with being a mother to a elementary school age kid and also has to deal with a new chef who has filled in for her while she took a leave of absence. New guy wants to work with head chef but she thinks he's just after her job. And I imagine you can guess the rest. She falls in love with him, they have a fight, they get back together, blah, blah, blah. It's still a feel good movie though. One to watch with your significant other.



5. CRANK (2006) - Damn, this is a fun movie! It's one long action ride it's entire length. Released as "Adrenaline" in Japan and stars Jason Statham (I think he's my new favorite action star). Statham wakes up and finds that he's been injected with something called a Beijing Cocktail which means if he doesn't keep a constant flow of adrenaline going through his body, he will die! And before that can happen, he chases the bad guys who have done this too him. Excellent!! (but only for action movie fans!!).



6. THE BLACK DHALIA: CASE REOPENED (1999) - Okay, I thought it was a sample of the movie but turned out to be a television documentary. Still, it was quite interesting. I really don't feel the need to watch the Hollywood adaption of James Ellroy's novel as I have read that as well.



7. ヅラ刑事 (2006) [ZURA KEIJI], and has an English title called [THE RUG COP] - This is a really bad and silly movie about a cop who uses his hair-piece as a weapon. Starring popular Japanese television talent Fuyuki Moto.

8. PERFECT CREATURE (2006) - Very cool vampire movie from New Zealand. The world had nearly come to end but if not for the Alchemists, the human race would have become extinct. By an accident of nature, the Alchemists created a race of vampires called Brothers who have in termed saved humans from extinction. The world of the future is run by the Brothers who maintain a peaceful but fragile co-existence with humans. When a highly placed Brother is accused of biting a human, old prejudices are re-ignited pitting human against the Brothers. Excellent film.

9. THE FRESH DELI (2003) - A Danish film that's fairly similar to the French film "Delicatessen". Black comedy about a butcher and his apprentice who opens a shop but has no customers. One night as the butcher closes for the evening, he unknowingly shuts a repairman in the meat locker. He comes back the next day and finds the repairman's dead body and immediately calls his apprentice to figure out what to do with the body. The apprentice says he will think of something and help get rid of the body the following morning. But later that evening, a persistent customer wants to buy meat for a gathering he's having at his house. You guessed it, he cuts up the dead guy and sells the meat. The customer tells his friend what great meat there is at the new deli and soon the butcher has more customers than he knows what to do with and not enough meat to sell, so... Unfortunately, this movie was all in Danish with Japanese subtitles so it was a little hard for me to understand it all. Decent movie though.

10. PAYCHECK (2003) - The John Woo movie starring Ben Afleck based on a short story by Philip K. Dick. It was on the tube and I just had to watch it again.

11. ALL THE KING'S MEN (2006) - A remake of the 1949 film of the same title based on a novel by Robert Penn Warren which is also loosely based on the life of former governor of Louisiana, Huey Long, starring Sean Penn, Jude Law and Anthony Hopkins. I love films based on or inspired by true stories. Penn plays Willie Stark, a small town politician who has the support of the lower social class threatens the big boys in government who are pretty much run by Standard Oil, who then try to get Stark impeached. Very decent film.

12. イヌゴエ (2006) [INUGOE] - Only one episode of a silly television program. Talking dogs ya know. I think this was another one of those shows that aired late at night. Only for dog lovers.

13. TIRE A PART (1996) - Also known as "Limited Edition". Here's a film for book buffs. A hack action adventure writer tells an editor he has written "the novel". The best thing he's ever done and pleads the editor to read it. The editor reluctantly does so but discovers that the story seems to be about a woman he once loved who was raped and left for dead without the killer ever being caught. The editor believes that the writer of this novel is the killer of his former lover. The book is published and becomes a bestseller. But the editor, who is also an expert forger, sets up the writer to avenge the death of his lover. Excellent mystery suspense.

14.　RESISTANCE (2003) - Run of the mill World War II fair about a pilot who crashes in a small rural town in Occupied Belgium. He is saved by members of the Resistance and falls in love a local woman. Fair.

15. ERASER (1996) - It was on t.v. and because I started watching it from the beginning, I had to watch the entire flick, but hey, it's an Arnie flick, never a dull moment. Of course, I think I've watched this maybe four or five times now.

16. THE MARSH (2006) - Released as "Lakeside" in Japan. Hm, not a bad movie. A blend of "Poltergeist" and "The Lady in White" starring Gabrielle Anwar and Forest Whitaker. A children's book writer has recurring nightmares and returns to the town of her childhood to face her demons. Very decent horror suspense flick.

17. STEPHEN KING'S DESPERATION (2006) - Made for television movie based on a Stephen King novel. Just okay. "The Shawshank Redemption" it isn't but it was better than the awful made-for-television movie "It" (which isn't saying much of course). Maybe King should just stick to writing novels.

18. DINOSAUR ISLAND (1994) - A genuine B-movie that's as bad as it's supposed to be with some featuring some of the best known Scream Queens in the business - Michelle Bauer, Griffin Drew, and Antonia Dorian. Lots of bare breasts, bad acting, ridiculous dialogue, and dinosaurs that looked like they were bought from a garage sale. How can you even rate films like this. You must just watch and enjoy. You have to love the tag line for this flick - "It's Just Like Paradise, Only Better Looking."

19. THE PICK-UP ARTIST (1987) - Very '80s and very bad with Robert Downey, Jr. and Molly Ringwald. It's so bad I'm not going to waste my breath on it. Did you all remember that Harvey Keitel and Dennis Hopper were also in this movie? It's so bad, it makes me want to watch "Sixteen Candles" and "Pretty in Pink" when Molly Ringwald was kind of cute.


That's all for now. I was actually going to watch another old Robert Downey, Jr. movie again tonight but Mikako and I ended up watching some special documentary on super doctors. One of the procedures presented was an angiogram. And since I just had one recently, it caught our attention. Fascinating stuff, the world of medicine.

Until next time.

Have fun at the movies and don't eat so much popcorn!!